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Healing From Mourning

My Dad's old abacus

My Dad’s old abacus

Losing a loved one is never easy but losing someone during the holidays somehow magnifies the sadness.  The recent holidays were difficult as my father-in-law passed away.  My husband looked up to him and my children adored him.
During the mass before the inurnment, the priest said that a person can die three times.  The first one is when he stops breathing, the second one is when he is laid to rest and the third time is when we forget the deceased.

I lost my Dad when I was still in college.  It was heartbreaking to see my Mom hold on to my Dad’s old shirt just so she can remember how he smelled like.  Over the years, I have forgotten how his voice sounded like.

I look around my home and realized that save for a few pictures, I don’t have anything my Dad owned.  Good thing my Mom recently gave me his abacus which he was oddly trying to learn at that time.  🙂

It is easy to forget because healing from mourning sometimes entail forgetting.  But if forgetting means dying for the third time, I am determined to do everything I can to keep their memories alive.

When the time is right, hopefully I can keep a memento of my father-in-law.  It will be in a special place right beside my Dad’s abacus so my children will not forget that they have two wonderful “Lolos” (grandfathers) who are looking down on them.


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